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a razor-wristed kid looking forward to ends

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oh nine [12 Jan 2009|11:20am]
i guess sometimes it is easier to start from the bottom and work your way up. or at least it would be better to end the year on a high note rather than start off with a good year and have it go downhill.

my 2009 is pretty rock bottom right now.
It started out okay, i'm quitting smoking and sticking to it. Still haven't bought a pack in 09. I've been using nicorette while i'm at work and its been pretty helpful. the worst part is over i just need to get used to going to bars and not smoking. what do nonsmokers do with their hands?
RESOLUTION 1: Success! or on its way.

jayme and i decided to call it quits. things just weren't working. i'm okay (as okay with ending a 3 year relationship as possible) with that although a part of me will always feel like there is a chance for us. she has lofty goals, and i know she can do whatever she sets her mind to. and who knows, maybe she will realize what shes missing.
the lonely feelings are creeping back in, and i feel like i could be a hermit for a while.

my cousin in law. (first cousins husband) died in a snowmobile accident. recently i've been more than apathetic about death. i feel very at peace with our limited existence. that being said, its a shitty situation because he left 2 young kids behind. funeral is later this week. we'll see how everything goes.
there is more to the story but its more personal and not my business.

still working the same job. i'm in a groove there, (read as rut) but i'm safe. i should really be looking to find a better paying position, but not having finished school has kind of hindered me.

and school. while i don't want to go back, and cannot afford to go back at the present time. i know i need to go back. will i do it in 09? only time will tell.

right now i'm just trying to take things day by day. save money. and do my thing. i'm pretty pessimistic, but hopefully i'll break out of it.

cheers.


EDIT://
in addition.
i've been listening to ben folds five - brick a lot. go figure.

i would still like to move to L.A.
ill just have to find a way to make it on my own. but i'm still planning on it. eventually.

and i'm thinking about buying one of those over the door chin up bars.
i would like to get on a workout plan without going to the gym. maybe it can replace my smoking habit.
4 !!&| +1

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